


half of the time

by theleftside



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Lowkey Angst 🥴, M/M, Someway Somehow by DREAMERS is a bop, daisuga - Freeform, haikyuu!! - Freeform, ok that's all from me for now ✌️, tsukki done messed up 😳, tsukkiyama - Freeform, yamatsukki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleftside/pseuds/theleftside
Summary: yamaguchi is having doubts about his relationship, and is worried that tuskishima doesn't love him anymore. can they work things out, or is this the end of their relationship?
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 22





	1. someway, somehow

**Author's Note:**

> this is mostly tsukkiyama, but there's a tiny bit of daisuga 😳✌️

.sugawara.

i noticed that yamaguchi was acting a little strangely, so i lingered in the club room for everyone to clear out, pretending to look for something in my locker.

once everyone else had gone to the gym and he had finished changing, i turned to face him, seeing that he had closed his locker, but was still facing the wall, his shoulders hunched over.

"yamaguchi, are you-?" i started, walking towards him, when i noticed his shoulders shaking. 

he slowly turned to face me, tears running down his cheeks, and i quickly enveloped him in a hug, rubbing his back soothingly. 

i didn't ask any questions yet, because i knew that he probably wouldn't be able to talk about it anyway; not in this state.

i just held him, waiting until he finished crying to talk to him. 

finally, the tears seemed to slow down, and his breathing gradually became more even.

he sniffled, pulling away from me and wiping at his eyes and nose.

"i'm sorry," he said, his voice still thick with emotion. 

"don't apologize, yamaguchi. it's okay to be sad, you know."

he nodded shakily.

"yeah, i know. i'm just... i feel scared and sad, but then i feel guilty for feeling that way."

"sorry if it's not my place to ask, but what is it that's making you feel this way?"

he sighed a little, and cast his gaze toward the floor, rubbing the side of his neck.

"well... you know that me and tsukki are dating, right?"

my eyes widened.

what?! why didn't anyone tell me that?!

"i don't think so...?" i said. 

"oh, sorry for not telling you sooner, mom, but yeah, me and him are together."

i blinked.

"wait... mom?"

he blushed, and cringed realizing what he said. 

"um, yeah, i guess us first years have sort of concluded that you're like the team mom, and daichi's the dad, and we're all the kids."

i blushed a little, touched that they thought so highly of me.

i smiled.

"well, thank you. but what were you saying?"

"oh, right. so... when me and tsukki first started dating... i know it's hard to picture, with an aloof and apathetic guy like him, but he was actually super sweet. he would get me little gifts sometimes and would always hold my hand or hug me or kiss me. not too much in public, cuz he's not a fan of pda, but when we were alone, you know."

he was blushing pretty hard at this point, so i gave him a gentle smile and a nod to let him know that it was okay to go on. 

"so anyway, it was so nice and he would always do those things, and whenever i said, 'i love you,' he would always say it back. but recently..." 

his eyes started watering a bit again.

"well, slowly, the little gifts and affections began to get fewer and more far between, but recently he stopped saying, 'i love you.' and... i know i'm probably just being stupid, but i can't help but think he might not love me anymore, which is sad and scary because i have my whole heart invested in him... but then i feel guilty because i know he probably does still feel the same, he just has trouble saying it. also... i know it seems stupid, but i can't stop listening to this one song that talks about, 'i know you love me half of the time,' and, 'someway, somehow, i'll let you down.' and i can't help to think that maybe tsukki only loves me half of the time, but one way or another, i'll let him down."

i went over to give him another hug, seeing that he looked like he was about to start crying again.

he sniffed loudly.

"i'm sorry i keep crying on you, suga-senpai. and i'm sorry that i just unloaded that all on you, you're probably dealing with your own stuff right now, and don't need to deal with this."

i held him tighter.

"yamaguchi, i told you to never apologize for your emotions. i appreciate your concern for me and my mental health, but i'm fine right now. so let's just talk about this and work out what we can do to make you feel better."

i pulled back from the hug to look him in the face as i talked.

"have you considered talking to him, per chance?" i asked, a hand on my hip.

he blushed, and looked away again.

"well... i want to, but... i'm kind of scared that he'll get mad at me... then if he really did love me, if i ask about it, he'll realize that i actually am really annoying to him, and he'll break up with me. and... i know that's very illogical, but i can't help it."

"it's okay to be afraid of some things sometimes, alright? but you can't let that fear control you, or you'll never be able to live your life to the fullest. and i know it's difficult to overcome, but i believe in you. and listen, if he does break up with you, just tell me and i'll make sure to give him a stern talking to, and we'll have ice cream and watch a sappy movie, okay? anything to make you feel better."

"thanks, suga-san," he said, finally smiling a little.

"and just remember, even if your worst fear comes to pass, it's not the end of the world. it might seem devastating, but your life doesn't revolve around this one guy, okay? you're an amazing, strong, funny, smart guy, and you don't need a relationship to be happy or for validation." i made a slight face. "guess i'm a bit of a hypocrite for saying that, though."

his face held some confusion at my words.

"what do you mean?"

i sighed.

"well, i said your life doesn't revolve around a guy, and you don't need a relationship, but... if it's not obvious, i kind of have this huge crush on daichi, but i don't think he likes me back. i know the captain of the girls team, michimiya, likes him, so if he were to date anyone, he'd probably go for a pretty girl like her."

his eyes widened a bit.

"suga-san, you're not serious, are you? have you seen the way daichi-san looks at you? like you're his whole world."

i blushed and waved my hand at him.

"no... no, i don't really think anyone would look at me like that, especially not daichi." i smiled sadly. "but i'm still glad that you first years hold me in such high regard."

before i knew it, i was hugging yamaguchi again. or rather, he was hugging me this time. 

"maybe you should take your own advice, and just talk to him about it," he teased.

i laughed as i pulled away.

"okay, i will. as long as you talk to tsukishima."

he made a bit of a face before laughing a little as well.

"fine, i'll talk to him after practice. we always walk home together anyway, so it'll be the perfect opportunity." 

i smiled at him.

"i'm proud of you, yams. now, we should get to practice before they start wondering where we are. we're already a little late."

he nodded, and we made our way out of the club room and towards the gym.


	2. make you mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up lads, this part is a big boi

.tsukishima.

yamaguchi seemed to be avoiding me at practice today, which was rather strange for him. 

in fact, once practice was over, i had to catch up to him so that we could walk home together, when it was usually him following after me. 

he seemed very quiet as well, which was also unusual, because he always talked a little more than necessary to make up for my quietness.

eventually, i couldn't stand it anymore, so i finally broke the silence and asked, "is something wrong, yamaguchi? you're acting strangely." 

he slowly came to a stop when i said that, so i stopped as well to look at him.

his eyes were trained on the ground, and he was clenching his fists at his sides, and he even seemed to be shaking a bit.

my eyebrows furrowed with concern, so i stepped forward and went to put my hands on his shoulders, but he avoided me.

"we... we need to talk, tsukki," he said, in a very serious tone, finally looking up at me. he wasn't crying, but his eyes did seem a little moist.

shit.

i tried to think of what i might've done recently to mess up, but nothing especially stood out to me.

"okay... what about?" i asked.

"do you..." he clenched his fists more, and took a deep breath. "do you still love me?" he asked, so softly that i almost missed it.

i tilted my head slightly, a little confused.

"what do you mean?" i asked.

he looked back at the ground and took another deep breath, and this one seemed rather shaky.

"well... you never seem to pay any special attention to me anymore, and you avoid kissing me and stuff, even when we're alone, and..." he swallowed, taking another shaking breath. "recently it seems... whenever i say, 'i love you,' you... you never say it back." 

his voice was shaking terribly by the end, and he sounded on the verge of tears.

so i guess it's not something i had done to mess up, it's what i hadn't done. 

i stepped closer again, trying to give him a hug this time, but he pushed me away again.

he looked back up at me, and this time i saw tears welling in his eyes, about to pour over at any second. 

"please don't touch me right now. not until you answer the question."

i frowned slightly.

"of course i still love you."

the tears spilled.

"then why? why don't you show it anymore?"

i stared at him for a minute, trying to figure out the best way to phrase my response.

after a moment, i sighed deeply, and began to speak. 

"i think i just... well, in the beginning i did all that special stuff like giving you gifts, so you would be reassured that my feelings for you were genuine. i figured after a while, i could cool it a little, and go back to how i normally was with you, but with a little more romance. i just didn't want things to change too much, and i wanted those things to be special, and not an all-the-time occurrence, you know? it's more special to get flowers from someone if you only get them a couple times a year, rather than every day. but then... i guess i subconsciously reverted back too far, and i even stopped the bare minimum i was doing at that point, and i didn't even realize it. but... i really do still love you, so much, it's just hard for me to talk about my feelings a lot, even all this right now is difficult. but you have to believe me, i swear i'll make it up to you, okay? i just... i can't lose you." 

after talking so much, the silence that followed felt deafening as i awaited his response. i really hoped he didn't resent me now, and would give me a chance. i was suddenly aware of a lump in my throat and a slight prick at my eyes as he slowly looked up at me.

he seemed to be searching my face to see if i was telling the truth, since my voice tends to be rather monotone.

finally, he spoke again. 

"okay," he said, so softly i might have imagined it.

"what did you say?" i asked nervously.

"okay," he said louder. "you won't lose me, but... you really need to make this up to me, big time. and please don't let this happen again, okay? you have to always let me know if you still love me. and i know it's hard for you with the feelings thing sometimes, but i'm not asking you to proclaim it to the whole world or to start making out with me in the middle of the gym, but please just let me know, okay?" 

i nodded.

"i will. i'll make sure you won't forget that i love you. and i will make it up to you, i promise." 

he nodded, and started moving again.

i walked beside him, and glanced down at our hands, just swinging gently through the air, so close, but not touching. i guess my effort to make it up starts now. i gently bumped my hand against his, before fully interlacing our fingers to hold his hand.

i glanced down at our hands for a moment, then over at his face, and was pleased to see a tiny smile there. it was still slightly distressing to see his puffy eyes, and the tear tracks down his cheeks, especially since i caused it, but i knew i would do whatever i had to in order to make this up to him. i couldn't lose him. 

///

finally, we reached yamaguchi's house so i dropped his hand, and for a moment we just stared at each other.

"well... goodnight, tsukki," he said, starting to turn away from me.

"wait," i said, grabbing his shoulder, turning him back around.

"hmm?"

i wrapped my arms around him tightly, and whispered in his ear, "i love you." 

i felt him tense up and take a deep breath, before he said, "i love you too." 

he sounded happy. i'm glad.

i then took a quick glance toward the windows of his house to make sure his parents weren't there watching.

when i saw that there was nobody, i pulled back slightly, cupped his face, and gave him a long kiss.

when i finally pulled back, i rested my forehead against his.

"i really am sorry, you know. i'll do whatever it takes to fix this mistake."

he nodded.

"i believe you." 

i gave him another hug, then said goodnight and walked the rest of the distance to my own house. 

///

that night i stayed up almost until sunrise the next morning to work on a special playlist for yamaguchi.

however, just sending him a link to a playlist didn't seem very special, so i decided to burn it onto a cd like a mixtape for him. 

then i gave it a special cover, with a little lyric packet, and wrote notes with each song explaining why i chose them.

finally, around 5:25am, i wrote in my neatest handwriting, "for my love," across the top of the cd. after a little more thought, i added, "and my stars," to the bottom. 

then, without enough energy to change clothes, i closed the cd case, set my glasses on the desk, and collapsed onto my bed, not even bothering to pull a blanket over myself before i fell asleep. 

///

what seemed like minutes later, i was being shaken awake by... yamaguchi?

"tsukki? what are you doing still asleep?"

i narrowed my eyes in confusion. i was so disoriented.

"what?" i asked groggily.

i peered at the clock, but my eyes were already blurry from sleep, not to mention i wasn't wearing my glasses.

"what time is it?" i asked, stifling a yawn. 

"a little past 2:15," he replied.

i sat up straight.

"what?! in the afternoon?!"

"yeah. why'd you sleep so late? what time did you get to sleep last night?"

"what are you doing in my room?"

"oh, well... i came to see you and your mom told me you were in here and i could just let myself in." 

"how lovely," i sighed, flopping back down in bed.

"now, you answer my question," he demanded. "what time did you get to sleep?"

"um..." i averted my gaze. "that depends..."

"no it doesn't. tell me... please."

i glanced over to see what i thought might be puppy eyes, though it was still very blurry. even just picturing the puppy eyes made me cave, though.

"ugh, fine. around 5:30," i mumbled.

"what?! 5:30am?!"

i sat up again, rubbing my neck sheepishly.

"uh... yeah." 

"oh my goodness, i can't believe you! what was so important that you had to stay up so late?! or i guess so early?"

i smiled, and pulled him down onto the bed next to me.

"you," i said. 

he blushed at my words, then crinkled his nose.

"your breath stinks, go brush your teeth." 

i pouted.

"i know that, no need to remind me."

i slid off the bed, grabbing my glasses on the way to the bathroom.

i brushed my teeth quickly but thoroughly, then went back to my room. 

when i walked in, i wrinkled my nose a bit as i closed the door behind me.

"ugh, why didn't you tell me that it smells bad in the whole room? or maybe that's just me?"

he laughed while i tried to discreetly smell myself. well, this is embarrassing.

i slipped my shirt off over my head, putting on some deodorant and a clean shirt. i was about to change my pants too, but yamaguchi practically shouted, "wait!"

"what's wrong?" i asked, then i saw how red his face was and understood. "oh. you can turn around if you want."

he nodded stiffly, and slowly turned around while i finished changing. i pulled on a clean pair of socks, then took my glasses off to wipe the sleep dust out of my eyes.

once i was completely dressed, i said, "it's okay, you can turn around now." as he did that, i followed up with, "wanna go into town for a bit? see if there's anything going on?"

"sure. don't think there's anything special about this particular saturday, but we can go anyway."

"well, even if there's nothing particularly interesting, it's not a wasted trip because i still get to spend time with you." 

he blushed again. i guess he wasn't used to all this affection from me. it was still tough to say things like that, even though they were true, but hopefully it would get easier with time.

as we were leaving my room, he pointed to the cd on my desk. 

"what's that?"

"that's nothing! it's a surprise for later," i said, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the room, closing the door on the way out.

he looked at me curiously. "alright, that's fine then. it better be good though. it's for me, right?"

i smiled, with warm cheeks. "yeah, of course it's for you."

he smiled as well.

"me and yamaguchi are going out, mom!" i yelled as we put our shoes on by the door.

"alright, honey! have a good time and stay safe!"

"we will!"

as we reached the end of the front path, i hesitated for a moment before grabbing yamaguchi's hand.

he looked at me, seeming a bit worried.

"are you sure you wanna hold hands in public? what if we see someone we know, or if anyone is homophobic toward us?"

i furrowed my eyebrows.

"well... that doesn't matter does it? they can be angry at us if they want, but there's nothing wrong with being gay, so why should i get upset about it, or be embarrassed to hold you hand?"

he blushed and looked down.

"yeah, i guess so."

"you know what?" i let go of his hand. "i'm gonna come out to my mom. right now."

"wait, tsukki-!"

i didn't listen though, just jogged back up to the door, opened it, and shouted inside, "mom! me and yamaguchi aren't just going out of the house! we're going out as in dating!"

i waited with baited breath.

then she replied, "that's great, honey! i've always considered him like i second son! i guess he's just a son-in-law now!"

i blushed.

"yeah, sure! now i'm going, bye!"

"bye!"

i walked back to meet yamaguchi, shaking from excitement, nerves, and disbelief over what i just did.

"how did she take it?" he asked nervously.

i grinned widely, an usual thing for me.

"she was great! super accepting!"

he instantly seemed relieved.

"thank goodness."

i hugged him tightly, and kissed his cheeks, then we began walking again, holding hands.

///

we spent the rest of the afternoon doing random stuff: first we got 'lunch' because i realized i hadn't eaten anything in over 12 hours. i made sure we got some of yamaguchi's favorite fries. then we went to the arcade and played nearly every game in there (at least what we had money for), and then we just walked around for a bit, just talking.

whenever we got dirty looks from homophobes, i gave them equally dirty look back.

when we neared yamaguchi's house, he dropped my hand.

"what's the matter?" i asked.

"well, knowing my overprotective parents, they'll probably be watching from the window or waiting outside after me spending the day out of the house-" he gasped dramatically. "without parental supervision." 

i smiled a little.

"right."

i made sure to stand at a heterosexual distance as we got to his yard.

"well, i guess this is goodbye for now," he said, holding up a fist.

i bumped it with my own, and said, "yeah, see ya. who knows, maybe i could come over here tomorrow to study or something?"

he smiled.

"maybe. but i gotta go inside now, because my mom is definitely looking out that window.

"alrighty, see ya," i said finally, and made my way back to the sidewalk.

after a couple seconds though, i heard, "tsukki, wait!"

i turned around only to be engulfed in a big hug from yamaguchi.

"i love you."

"i love you too," i replied.

"also... i don't think my parents would be able to see us from behind the fence."

i raised an eyebrow.

"is that so?"

he blushed and nodded.

"well, i guess there's only one thing to do."

i leaned in to give him a quick, soft kiss.

he smiled widely, and then ran back to his house again, with one last wave over his shoulder.

i smiled to myself as i continued walking. however, i didn't go back home quite yet, i had to go to the store to get a few things first.

///

that night, i actually got to sleep at a reasonable time, and woke up a little before 8:30am, and checked my phone to see a text from yamaguchi.

yams: good news, tsukki! my parents said you could come over today to study!

i smiled.

dino boi: that's great! any particular time i should come over?

yams: i don't think it matters, but i guess that depends on if you wanna have lunch here or at your house then come over here.

i thought about it for a minute before replying.

dino boi: i think i'll be over in about two hours, is that good?

yams: yep, that should work!

i smiled, stretched, then got out of bed and started getting ready.

///

about two and a half hours later, i was sitting in yamaguchi's room, ready to study.

although, that wasn't the real reason i wanted to come over today. the real reason is so i could give him the surprise gift that i had been working on. but i think i'd save that for a little later on.

///

finally, while yamaguchi was in the bathroom, i had my chance. i carefully unpacked some stuff from my bag, frowning slightly when i saw that the flowers got a little crushed. oh well, it's still the though that counts, right? 

then i heard his footsteps getting closer, so i straightened myself out and made sure everything was ready. 

"yamaguchi, what took so long?"

he grinned sheepishly.

"sorry, tsukki! i'm back now, though!"

i squinted closely at his face, noticing that his face, especially his cheeks looked a little red... like he had tried to scrub his freckles off... but i'd confront him about that later.

"what's all this?" he asked, sitting back across from me with wide eyes.

i blushed and smiled a bit.

"oh yeah, i made you a surprise! and, um... the flowers got a little crushed, sorry... but i got these, and also some chocolates, and chocolate covered strawberries, and um... the reason i stayed up so late the other day was to make you this," i said, handing him the cd.

his eyes were incredibly wide now, a blush covering his whole face.

his eyes seemed to get a little misty, and i panicked for a second, thinking i did something wrong again, but he threw his arms around me.

"tsukki! you did all this for me?" 

i held him tightly.

"of course i did. you deserve it. and this is part of the way i'm making it up to you. i still have some other stuff planned, too, so prepare yourself for that."

he pulled back.

"there's more?!"

i laughed a little.

"of course there is."

"but... all this for me? i don't deserve this much..."

i narrowed my eyes, a little angry that he would think that.

"of course you deserve all this. i would give you the entire world if i could, and it still wouldn't be enough."

he wiped at his eyes, laughing a little.

"it's like that song from the greatest showman," he said.

i smiled.

"yeah, i guess." 

i made a mental note that he liked that movie and filed it away for later. 

i looked at him as he smelled the flowers, then started to read the little notes i left for him in the lyric packet of the cd with a face of wonder.

i smiled. 

'i love you,' i thought. 

then i remembered that's what got me in trouble last time. i always thought it, and never said it out loud.

"i love you."

he looked back up at me, cheeks red, eyes shining.

"i love you too," he said with a big grin.

i'm not much for smiling, but i smiled yet again today because of him. 

///

i headed out a little earlier than i might've, but i wanted to get started on my next surprise, and since the next day was monday, i didn't want to stay up too late.

wait, there was something that i needed to remember... what was it? oh, that's right, the greatest showman is a movie that yamaguchi likes.

i started making a list of movies that we can watch together before getting started on my next surprise. 

///

the next day, monday, i met yamaguchi on the way to school and handed him an extra hoodie of mine that i had brought with me.

"what's this for?" he asked, taking the hoodie.

i smiled.

"it's for you to wear so you can think of me."

he blushed and smiled, shifting his bag around so he could put it on.

it was a little too big on him, so he snuggled up in it and inhaled deeply.

"it smells like you," he giggled. "what happens when your smell goes away though?"

"just give it back to me for a little while and i'll wash it to get the smell back, then give it back to you."

he blushed again.

"thanks, tsukki, i love it!"

i grabbed his hand.

"i'm glad."

///

the next day, i brought him another gift.

it was a map of constellations with a special message on the back.

it said, 'when i tell you i love you, i don't say it out of habit. i say it to remind you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. no matter where you are, a part of me will always be with you. -tsukki ♡'

he nearly cried when he read it.

he wiped his eyes and gave me a big hug.

"i love it, tsukki, thank you so much. i love you."

i smiled, feeling a little choked up myself, feeling a little overwhelmed by how much i loved him.

"i love you too. i couldn't have asked for a more perfect boyfriend."

i cupped his cheek, wiping away the tears, before leaning in to kiss him tenderly before we continued walking to school. 

///

the next day was wednesday, and yet again, i had another gift for him.

"another gift, tsukki?! you really don't have to do all this!" he exclaimed with a blush as i handed him a gift bag.

"i really do need to do this," i replied. "i want to make sure you know how much i love you."

he blushed even more deeply as he pulled out the hoodie that was in the bag.

on it was a picture of a spoon and underneath were the words, 'little spoon.'

"i have a matching one," i said, unzipping my jacket to reveal one that looked the same but it said, 'big spoon,' instead.

he laughed, taking off the hoodie i had given him on monday and putting on the one i had just given him.

"i love it! we should show the team!"

i blushed.

"uh... i don't really think we should-"

"come on!" he said happily, grabbing my hand and dragging me the rest of the short distance to the gym for morning practice.

they mostly thought it was cute, but of course the king had to laugh about it, which irritated me. he and hinata weren't much better after all.

"shut up, king. you're just jealous that you haven't worked up the courage to confess to your queen yet."

yamaguchi chuckled nervously.

"come on, tsukki, don't be rude." he smiled widely. "just ignore him and don't let him ruin this nice moment."

"yeah, saltyshima! stop being so salty!" yelled tanaka.

i narrowed my eyes, then did something that the rest of the team had probably never seen before.

i started to laugh. a long, loud laugh. when i was done, i saw many shocked faces staring back at me.

"what? am i not allowed to show happiness? anyway, let's get on with practice."

///

thursday afternoon i gave yamaguchi yet another gift: a photo album.

i had gone around and asked everyone i knew for any pictures of us that they had so i could make it extra special.

i really think he'd like it.

///

on friday afternoon, yamaguchi came over to my house to stay the night. i gave him another gift, and he made me promise it would be the last one, but i actually had one more thing in mind for this night.

i promised it would be the last one after the one i had planned already. 

the gift i had just given him was a stuffed animal with a little shirt that said, 'hug this when you miss me.'

he grinned and hugged it tightly.

"how can i ever show you how much this means to me?" he asked, looking at me. "i mean, you've done all this great stuff for me and now i feel like i should repay it somehow..."

"you repay it just by being your perfect self," i reassured him. 

he set the stuffed animal down sadly.

"but i'm not perfect. and i really don't know what i did to deserve you."

i frowned and scooted closed to him.

"you just can't see what i see. it makes me sad that you think so little of yourself, but i really do love you, flaws and all."

his hands instinctively went to cover his cheeks, so i softly lowered them.

"i know you hate your freckles-"

"of course i do! besides, it's not just freckles. it's acne and scars mixed in as well..."

he lowered his head in shame.

"i know you don't like them, but i think they're adorable. i think you're adorable. i think the marks on your face are just like a constellation in the night sky and it's so beautiful. it's a sign that you've experienced life and that the sun has shined on your face, and let's be honest, a lot of teens get acne, it's a normal thing and it just shows that you have hormones like every other normal person around our age."

he looked at me, a little misty-eyed.

"thanks, tsukki. but... you have really clear skin..."

"well, that probably just means i'll have some acne later, honestly. i mean, if i don't have any at all i'm just extremely blessed, but i bet i'll experience it at least a little before graduating high school. but this isn't about me, it's about you. i love you, okay? you're so kind and smart, you're adorable, from your squishy cheeks to your cute hair, and i love the way you smile and how your eyes light up when you see me, and your dedication to practicing volleyball, and i love how you look wearing my hoodie, and how you love soft fries, and-"

i stopped to take a deep breath, and saw him blushing intensely.

"i love the way you blush like that when i compliment you, and how you call me tsukki. i love when you have confidence and yell at me. i just think you're just really cool and amazing." 

he wiped at his eyes, several tears escaping, then engulfed me in a hug.

he didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. i knew how he felt from the hug, and i could tell he knew how i felt.

maybe we didn't have to always say it out loud to say that we love each other. however, that didn't mean to never say it. only when the time was right could it go unsaid. 

"i have one last surprise for you," i said softly, when his breathing finally evened out, and his soft shaking had stopped.

"you said that earlier," he said, pulling away and wiping his eyes. "what is it?"

i smiled secretively.

"i'll be right back."

///

"cookies!" 

i laughed at how excited he got when i came back into the room with a big tin of homemade cookies and a stack of movies.

"yep, chocolate chip. your favorite."

"i think they're everyone's favorite."

i shrugged.

"fair enough. i also thought we could have a movie marathon." 

i spread the movies out on the bed so he could see them.

"wow, all my favorites! hey, you remembered the greatest showman! and wait... don't you like jurassic park better than jurassic world?"

"well, yeah, but i know you prefer jurassic world, so that's what we'll watch."

he blushed, and i thought he might try to argue that we should watch the one i like instead, but he didn't do that.

"okay," he said happily, and i started the first movie, turning off the lights then climbing back into bed with yamaguchi.

he snuggled up against me, so i wrapped my arms around him, resting my chin on his shoulder, enjoying the proximity and contact.

"i love you," i whispered in his ear.

"i love you too," he whispered back. "thank you so much for everything you've done recently. i think you've made it up to me," he giggled. "but just don't go back to never showing affection anymore, okay?"

"okay, i promise. i won't go overboard with gifts anymore, but i think i'm legally obligated to always tell you how much i love you and cuddle you and hug and kiss you, and hold your hand."

"that sounds nice," he said softly.

"yeah." i smiled. "it does."

this time last week, i had felt him drifting away from me, but i had done everything i could to make him mine again. 

and i had succeeded.

i smiled and snuggled closer to him, glad that i could call such a perfect person my boyfriend.


	3. bonus daisuga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 😎

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a lil baby chapter to sort out suga's feelings from the first part 😗✌️

.daichi.

suga and i were the last to part ways with the team after i had bought everyone meat buns, and as we walked towards our respective homes, suga seemed a bit nervous.

he was trailing behind me a bit, and fiddling with his hands, his eyes darting everywhere.

"are you feeling alright?" i asked after several minutes of silence like this.

he slowly came to a stop, and fidgeted more than ever.

"can i tell you something? and promise that you won't think less of me or think i'm weird, or hate me or anything like that."

i furrowed my eyebrows.

"of course. i could never hate you and i won't think you're weird. what's all this about?"

he laughed a little.

"well... earlier i was talking with yamaguchi about a little issue he was having and... it sort of made me realize some things and... i think these first years might be a little more competent then i am at some things."

"what do you mean?"

"i... daichi, i'm gay," his voice was so tense as he said it, and he wouldn't look me in the eye. "and also i like you," he added on quickly. 

i froze.

it felt like my brain had literally blue-screened.

my crush was gay? and he liked me back?! i was so surprised that i forgot to say anything back for a moment.

"i- i'm sorry, i knew you'd probably think it was weird," he said with a sad smile, starting to slowly walk away. "i'll just go home now. goodnight, daichi."

finally, i was able to jog my brain enough to actually react.

i ran after him, grabbing his arm and spinning him around to face me.

i heard his breath catch in his throat as he looked up at me, with red cheeks and damp eyes.

"i'm sorry, i... i was so surprised that you like me back, i didn't know how to react." i smiled apologetically. "but, i like you too, suga. i definitely don't think you're weird or hate you."

he started laughing.

"seriously?!"

by this point he had doubled over with laughter and i'm not sure what was so funny, but i started laughing as well from the absurdity of it all.

"what are we laughing about?" i asked.

he caught his breath, wiping his eyes slightly.

"nothing." he waved his hand dismissively. "i'm just thinking that i guess yamaguchi was right."

"right about what? what did you talk about?"

"well, he was telling me about relationship troubles he was having, so i gave him advice. then i said i was a bit of a hypocrite because i couldn't take my own advice and just talk to you and tell you how i feel because i was so nervous you wouldn't like me back. then he told me... he said i was crazy because, and i quote, 'have you seen the way he looks at you? like you're his entire world.' and i... i didn't believe him because i didn't think anyone would look at me that way." he wiped at his eyes a little more, and i didn't think it was from laughter this time. "then... i guess it turned out that you did like me. so... thanks for that."

he grinned widely, even with tears in his eyes.

i engulfed him in a hug.

"of course i like you back. why wouldn't i? i think it's impossible not to fall in love with you spending as much time around you as i do. you're just so..." i sighed happily. "perfect. you're always so kind and know the right thing to say to the first and second years to make them feel better. and it's like you always have sparkles and flowers around you because you're so positive. and you're really pretty. and you smell good," i finished with a slight laugh.

he squeezed his arms around me tightly, also laughing a tiny bit.

"thanks, daichi. i think you're great too."

i pulled away, taking a deep breath to prepare myself for what i was about to ask.

"suga... can i kiss you?"

his cheeks flushed a deep red, and a tiny smile appeared on his face.

"of course you can."

i smiled back, before slowly leaning in and giving him a soft light under the streetlight glow, all the stars twinkling above our heads.

yamaguchi was right when he said i look at suga like he's my whole world.

because he really is.

i'm so happy that he returns my feelings, i feel like i'm glowing from all the pores of my skin.

"that was nice," suga said, pulling away.

"yeah, we should do it again some time," i said.

"for sure. shall we continue our walk home?"

"yeah."

i grabbed his hand and we continued walking home.

it was just an ordinary friday, but it felt like the most special day in the entire world. i was just so happy. the street remained unchanged, but everything looked more beautiful now.

or maybe that was just an otherworldly cast given off by sugawara's outstanding beauty that made everything else look beautiful. 

either way, i didn't care. i was filled with a warm floaty feeling and i was going to hold onto that for as long as possible.


	4. extra: playlist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> technically this isn't really a chapter? but like,,, it's good. i think. 👍

alrighty, so this is gonna be an explanation for all the songs that are on the playlist tsukishima made for yamaguchi.

i wanted it to be pretty authentic, so i took some time to actually make a playlist and think about what songs should go on, and all the meaning behind it, so here we go.

Falling for U ~ Peachy!, mxmtoon:

so in general, this playlist is tsukki reflecting back on their relationship from the very start, so this is him thinking back to the time when he first realized he started to like yamaguchi as more than a friend. 

Out of My League ~ Fitz and The Tantrums:

this is him sorta coming to terms with his crush, but thinking that yamaguchi would never like him back, and that he's way out of his league.

Dandelions ~ Ruth B.:

this is him thinking, even if yams is out of his league, he's really hoping that he might like him back that way or notice his feelings and hopefully reciprocate them.

Someone To You ~ BANNERS:

sorta following the same line as the last one where he just wants yamaguchi to notice him and wants to be a special person in his life.

Make You Mine ~ PUBLIC:

by this point he's sort of realized that hang on, yamaguchi does like him back, and he's trying everything he can to get his attention and try to date him, and eventually they get into a relationship.

Collide ~ Rachel Platten:

so this is sort of the regret he feels for ignoring yamaguchi and their relationship for that time, and kind of expressing his sorrow and remorse.

The Promise ~ Superfruit:

1) the fact that this is a cover and not the og has no significance, i just like this version better than the original.

2) the actual meaning. this is him saying "i know that i messed up, but please give me a second chance, i promise i'll still be here for you. you don't have to rely on strangers for comfort. i'm here."

HOLD YOU DOWN ~ X Ambassadors:

the reparation of their relationship and showing that things still can work out and that the spark isn't lost, and everything can maybe not exactly go back to normal, but it can still be good and healthy. 

\---

hey hey hey

it's me again, and i've now taken the time to write out the little notes that i imagine tsukki wrote for yamaguchi to go with each song.

(just to cite my sources: "then i gave it a special cover, with a little lyric packet, and wrote notes with each song explaining why i chose them.")

so these are notes TO yamaguchi FROM tsukki's pov.

falling for u: "when i first realized that i had fallen for you, i was so scared that i would mess things up between us, i could never imagine telling you how i felt."

out of my league: "you're so perfect, when i started fantasizing about a relationship with you, i thought that's all it would be: fantasies. i thought you were out of my league and would never want someone like me."

dandelions: "despite my worries that you would never like me, i still had a little hope and wished that you would notice me in a romantic way."

someone to you: "i knew that i was already important to you as a friend, but i just really wanted to be someone of significance in your life that you'd always remember, even if we parted ways later on."

make you mine: "i started to gain some confidence and started my attempts to win you over. i was very surprised and happy when we started dating, and it felt like the best day of my life. 2019 年 8 月 4 日 ♡"  
(in japanese, date is written: year, month, day, and after each number are the kanji for "year" "month" and "day"  
so he wrote their anniversary)

collide: "i didn't even realize i started acting cold and distant until you pointed it out, and when that happened, it felt like i couldn't breathe and my stomach dropped. i was so scared to lose you and i just really hoped that you would give me a second chance."

the promise: "i promise you that i'll always be there for you, no matter what. even if we break up, i still want to be your best friend, so you don't have to look to a stranger for comfort."

hold you down: "i hope that our relationship can be repaired and i can keep holding you. i just want to be here for you to comfort you when needed, and i don't want you to have any doubts about our relationship again."

anyway, if you've read this far, congrats, hope you liked that, and thanks for reading!


	5. extra: movie night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a little fluff for the soul 🥺💕

.yamaguchi.

"cookies!" 

tsukki laughed at how excited i got when he came back into the room with a big tin of homemade cookies and a stack of movies.

"yep, chocolate chip. your favorite."

"i think they're everyone's favorite."

he shrugged.

"fair enough. i also thought we could have a movie marathon." 

he spread the movies out on the bed so i could see them.

"wow, all my favorites! hey, you remembered the greatest showman! and wait... don't you like jurassic park better than jurassic world?"

"well, yeah, but i know you prefer jurassic world, so that's what we'll watch."

i blushed, but didn't argue.

"okay," i said happily, and tsukki started the first movie, turning off the lights then climbing back into bed with me.

i snuggled up against him, so he wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. i enjoyed the proximity and contact.

"i love you," he whispered in my ear.

"i love you too," i whispered back. "thank you so much for everything you've done recently. i think you've made it up to me." i giggled. "but just don't go back to never showing affection anymore, okay?"

"okay, i promise. i won't go overboard with gifts anymore, but i think i'm legally obligated to always tell you how much i love you and cuddle you and hug and kiss you, and hold your hand."

"that sounds nice," i said softly.

"yeah." he paused. "it does."

he then held me a little tighter, making me feel warm and fuzzy inside and we fell silent as the first movie (the greatest showman) began.

///

we didn't end up watching all four movies on friday night, because i fell asleep after the second one, jurassic world.

however, the next morning we had breakfast in bed and finished the last two movies, howl's moving castle and my neighbor totoro.

by the time we watched totoro, the breakfast dishes were set aside on the bedside table, so i was able to snuggle closer to tsukki again.

he was always relatively cool, which was good because sometimes i felt like a human furnace, so the offset in temperature was nice. 

i had my back pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around my torso, clasped in front of my stomach, resting there loosely.

i held onto his arms with my own, smiling when he kissed my head, and also just smiling at the movie itself.

it's always been one of my favorite movies and it makes me happy and nostalgic whenever i watch it.

i just love the pretty art and the cute story, even though it is really sad when mei gets lost.

but in the end, everything works out and it's all really nice. 

by the time the credits played, i was a little choked up, and found a tear slipping down my cheek.

"tadashi, are you okay?"

i blushed because i think that's the first time tsukki's ever called me by my first name.

i wiggled around a little to face him and buried my face in his chest, wrapping my arms tightly around him.

"i'm good," i said, the words slightly muffled. "i'm just really happy to be here with you and to have so many great friends and everything, that's all."

he ran his fingers through my hair softly.

"oh, that's good. i'm happy to be here with you too."

i couldn't see his face, but from how soft his voice sounded, i could guess that he was smiling.

i was smiling myself as i lifted my face to look at him.

i saw that he was smiling for just a moment before he softly wiped my cheeks and leaned down to kiss me.

he then rested his forehead against mine.

"i love you, tadashi. thank you for giving me this chance to prove it to you."

i felt my face heat up again, and my heart felt all fluttery.

"i love you too, kei, of course i gave you this chance."

he kissed me again, and i could feel his lips curve into a smile.

i smiled too, so widely that it broke the kiss and began to laugh a little.

tsukki started laughing too, and in that moment, i could only think of how happy i was.


End file.
